Humour

"My dad is a father

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

Church smiles

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

The worms

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

Creation explained

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Church announcements gone bad

eg. Don't let worry kill you --let the church help.

Church bullentin bloopers

eg. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

So you want to drive

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car.

Stolen car

An honest man is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard Suddenly, the light turns yellow, just in front of him. He does the honest thing, and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

Water

A man who was lost stumbled across a Baptism service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeded to stumble down into the water and stand next to the Minister.

The Christianized horse

There was once a zealous Christian farmer who wanted to use different words than "giddyup" and "woah" as commands for his horse. So he taught the horse to respond to "Praise the Lord" and "Hallelujah".

Church Humour

eg. Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed, "The Gate of Heaven." Below that was a small cardboard sign which read, "Please use other entrance."

Jesus is watching

A burglar was cruising through one of the suburbs looking for a target of opportunity. At one house he saw a truck unloading a big screen television, stereo, and video outfit. All the gear had to cost thousands of dollars. He made a mental note and went on his way.

Church football

eg. Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

Coupon Heaven

While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter, a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone.

The silent fart

An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says, I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

The Jack in us

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall.

Innocent

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker.

God's computer test

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

Kids say the funniest things

eg. 3-year-old, Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

Job description for the pastor

As nearly everyone knows, the Pastor has practically nothing to do except -

Wrong email

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Singing in church

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind.

Squirrels in church

There were three country churches in a small town: a Lutheran church, a Methodist church and a Catholic church.

Pecans in the cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

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